


Tavern Tales #2

by AliceSomnia



Series: Tavern Tales [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Forgotten Realms
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Inspired by Dungeons & Dragons, Language, Tall Tales, Taverns, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceSomnia/pseuds/AliceSomnia
Summary: There lies a tavern in the Forgotten Realms where npc and adventurer alike come to drink and smoke and share tales of their greatest victories, most miserable critical fails and their strangest encounters in the Realms. They're not always pretty tales, but they're almost always entertaining.Tonight, Maevmora the Dwarf and Duster the Kenku tell a story of wizards and witches, traps and catnappings, and probably partial failures.(Inspired by a Discord weekly image prompt, thanks guys!)
Series: Tavern Tales [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612558
Kudos: 1





	Tavern Tales #2

Tavern Tales

_ A D&D Shorts Series _

“Ah, do I  _ really  _ have to tell this one again, Duster? Ye know it’s embarrassing…” With the smallest hint of an accent that marked her as a former Citadel citizen, Maevmora begrudgingly shifted on her stool to get comfortable for the story ahead. As both proud Dwarf and proud thief, the tale of one of her failures was not one that she particularly enjoyed telling. She did enjoy talking in general though, and her Kenku companion seemed to enjoy it more with each telling. In fact, he was already whistling cheerily to himself in anticipation of her amusing anecdote.

“Ah well, guess there’s no stopping it, eh. But first, bartender, I’ll be needing an ale.” Smiling, Suraa deftly filled a mug with his finest brew and slid it over to the relatively attractive woman figuratively perched next to her literally perched companion. Taking a massive swig, she sighed, accepting her fate for the next little while. “Alright, Duster and I had been out of work for quite some time. Poor fellah was losing his sheen, and I lost a good fifty pounds, I did. So when the messenger for that witch arrived, we had basically taken the job afore we knew there was one. Ahcourse we went along and listened to the crone’s request. ‘Ohh, jest get me cat back from me ol’ ‘usband, would ye?’” Maev said, attempting her best mocking cockney accent. “Fat lot that was, lookin’ back.”

“So we get the map ta this wizard tower and decide to do a bit of scouting. Looking around, we noticed a somewhat suspicious lack of guards at what we were  _ told  _ was a prestigious sort. Duster wanted to get it over with though, so we took advantage, as any good thief aught ta. I’d just made these new distraction drones that I wanted ta try, so I sent them about and Duster and I went to work sneaking through the field to the tower wall. It was all so easy, I tell ye. Doormaker worked like a dream, and we were halfway up the tower by the time we stared at a spot o’ trouble.”

Duster whistled as only he and the wind could, conveying a bit of discomfort as he shifted his perch. This was one part he didn’t like being reminded of, and the only bit that Maev really enjoyed sharing. “Don’t tell me... “ Suraa started, having personal knowledge of wizard tower etiquette. “You didn’t know about wizard traps.”

“We didn’t know about wizard traps  _ yet,  _ mah good sirrah.” With a hearty gulp followed by a massive smile that would melt and shatter the hearts of man and dwarf alike, she continued on. “Duster here tends to run most of the time, but the lad can fly a bit, too. Why a tower seemed like a good place ta do it, we may never quite know. Anyhow, he flits up there and wouldn’t ya know it, flies straight into a fire jet. Damn near burnt off ‘is arse, and that shift ya might’ve noticed earlier is his way of hiding it. Gets me every time.” Maev took a moment for her giggles to subside before she began again.

“So now he’s firmly on the ground and limping a bit and I’m busy chuckling to myself when we notice the secret stereotypical candle lever revealing the hidden passage to the--don’t ask because I didn’t--pet dungeon. We look around a bit and find the only occupied cell, and this pure white cat in the middle.” A shudder shook Duster’s feather. Birds and cats were famous enemies, even if the bird was humanoid. “Ah picked the lock rather quickly, thank ye, and snatched up the damnable thing. Duster here isn’t the only one that hates the things. Anyways, ah found a nice yellow bag in the room behind us that seemed great for holding the thing, so I snatched it and, ehem,  _ secured  _ the beast in the bag.”

“Oh, I’m sure the cat just loved that.” Urrth the Kobold spoke, peeking out from behind a mountain of dishes. 

“Aye, that he did.” Maev chuckled to herself, remembering the writhing, hissing mass inside the purse as Urrth disappeared to his chores once again. “We decided to call it quits and head out, whereas we’d usually stick around and do a bit of the ol’ personal pilfering, as the crow was starting to complain.” Pecking at Maev a bit to show his offense, Duster made a noise like a tornado trapped in a jar before dwarven laughter drowned it out. Soon, however, her laughter died down as she prepared to make known her least favorite part.

“So we come to a spot in the stairwell down that feels, ah, out of place. So I stop and look around the wall and sure enough, there’s an especially pale rock in the wall with a tiny hole. I tried the pick, heard the click, and we slid open the wall to reveal the most  _ glorious  _ collection of shoes. I set the bag down, and I kinnae say ah’ve ever cried fah joy in mah life like that dae.” Maev, slipping deeper into her accent with emotion over the memory, took a moment to regain her composure. “Ye just don’t know, ye can’t feel the love of shoes like I can, lads. But as I was enraptured by the sight of a particularly beautiful pair of glittering red heels and Duster was busy shrieking about how we aught ta be moving on, neither of us was in quite a position to notice the cat sneaking its way out of the bag and back down the stairs! By the time we saw the bag, it was too late. The cat and bounty were gone forever, we were certain of it.” Duster sighed in agreement, remembering the mostly secondhand awkward feeling of the walk of shame back down.

“So we got back and met with the witch to tell ‘er what happened, and who meets us at the entrance with ‘er but the very cat! The crone shared with us that it was her familiar and oldest friend, and that the horrid thing had already shared the tale with her. She wouldn’t pay the full price since we didn’t make the delivery ourselves, but she paid half since we at least released the bloody thing.” Duster howled, possibly in the same way he did every time the narrative was told. 

  
As Suraa finished his own drink and slammed it down on the counter, he mentally catalogued the tale, saving it for one fateful day when he might transcribe them for the enjoyment of future adventurers everywhere.  _ I’ve really gotta get on that,  _ he thought to himself as Maev switched gears to the time she outdrank a cave troll.  _ Doubt anyone will enjoy it, but you never know. _


End file.
